After causing the suicides of nearly one thousand cats nationwide during his rendition of the National Anthem, Steven Tyler has become the first member of the ‘American Idol’ judging panel to ever be voted off of the show. That vote came unanimously by over thirteen million viewers on Monday night, the single largest vote anyone on the show has ever received, either affirmatively or negatively. Randy Jackson, stunned, commented on the vote, “I thought dog did alright, but when dog was hitting his octaves, dog struggled, but like I said dog did alright up in there, but it’s tough up on that stage” Jackson closed his comments a little off subject, “Anyone got some bacon?” The City of Foxboro was not as sanguine, as the estimated costs of rushing over two hundred fans to the hospital from ear exhaustion cost the city nearly $850,000. Producers of Idol have refrained from making comments about the matter, however, host Ryan Seacrest told us that it’s getting to the point that most of the show’s viewers find it difficult to tell the difference between Tyler and Jennifer Lopez anyway. No word yet on Tyler’s likely replacement, however the growing consensus across various social media is that Bill Belichick will speak with FOX about the job after next week’s Super Bowl.
(BELOW) TYLER, AFTER A SHOW IN PROVINCETOWN, MASS.