STUDIO CITY – Frankie Muniz was shocked to learn that his Malcom in the Middle co-star Erik Per Sullivan was found dead earlier today at the ripe child television star age of twenty. Although details are sparse, this reporter has learned that Dewey was found in his trailer on a 20th Century Studio Lot surrounded by seventeen empty cans of compressed air, most commonly used for cleaning computer keyboards. Dewey was on the set of Unfaithful II, filming with co-stars, Diane Lane and Charles Barkley. Malcom in the Middle had just recently began its syndication run on TV Land and had already exceeded Nielsen rating projections. Jane Kaczmarek, who played the mother Lois on the show, commented that she and Dewey were only recreational users of compressed air and that she found it hard to believe this is the sole reason for Dewey’s untimely death. Sergeant Paulette Powell of the Studio City Police Department has ordered a full autopsy to determine the exact cause of Dewey’s death. As a stop-gap measure FOX has taken the advice of an undead Gary Coleman and will be replacing Dewey with placard cutouts of Coleman’s twelve-year-old nephew to add some balance to the reruns of the show. Dewey is survived by basically everyone in his family.
PER SULLIVAN AFTER A NIGHT OUT WITH NEIL PATRICK HARRIS IN 2010